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Posted on Oct 26, 2017

One Year Old

Yesterday, I had a baby. Then I closed my eyes. When I opened them, an entire year had passed. Somehow – and I’m still trying to figure out how – this tiny, fragile creature has transformed into a one-year-old.


I can remember so clearly the hours leading up to this little guy’s arrival. I can remember the anticipation, the excitement mingled with trepidation at the life that would soon be rocking our world. I can remember the hospital cheesecake that was surprisingly good and the flowers that my friend Julia brought me. I can remember watching the Princess Bride from the hospital bed, wondering when my contractions would transition from hmm, that kinda hurts to dear-lord-get-this-baby-out-NOW.

I can remember the hum of monitors and bustling of nurses.

I can remember waiting.

And then pain. and movement. and counting. and pushing.

and pushing.

and pushing.

and baby’s heartbeat dropping. and ‘Heather, we’re going to get this baby out now.’

and then…


There will never be a greater moment than when this miracle of creation was placed on my chest and I held him for the first time.

Birth. The beginning of Toby’s life as a physically separate being from me. The beginning of everything – and wow, what a privilege to be witness to that.

In this blink of an eye, moments of joy and beauty and mess and exhaustion and laughter and wonder have flooded through. Andrew and I have watched a person grow in every way possible. We have celebrated the first smile, the first laugh, the first rolling over, the first sitting up, the first foods, the first crawl, the first standing-up, the first steps (holding on to something, of course!), the first acts of defiance, the first game.

The first ‘mama.’ The first ‘dada.’

The first hug.

There are times that my human nature gets the best of me. I get tired and frustrated and lose patience. And then little arms wrap tightly around me as Toby nestles his head against me shoulder. And I am stunned into gratitude – a gratitude so deep it brings me to my knees in awe of my God who created this little person and gave me the undeserved gift of being Toby’s mother.

There are times that the list of obligations grows so long and demanding that I hurry through the bedtime routine, anxious to Get Things Done.

And then I look down at this little face. And time stands still – just for a little while.

And there is only me and Toby and we rock. All the Things to Do are suddenly not so important and take their proper place in the backseat.

Today, my son is one. and yet he is still that little newborn. He is smart and funny and determined to try to do things on his own. And yet he needs Mommy and Daddy to be right there, ready to hold onto if the world seems too unsteady.

I promise you little man, no matter how many birthdays pass, we will always be there, ready to hold onto when the world is unsteady.

We love you, Tobes. Happy Birthday <3



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