One year ago, I woke up on a Sunday morning. The warm bed, the jet lag from a cross-country flight the day before, the snoring hound dogs dotting my bedroom floor all told me to sleep for just five more minutes.
But I couldn’t.
I went into the bathroom and held a debate with myself – the same debate I had held every month for the past year. The need to know, to really KNOW, won and I pulled out yet another little white strip that would tell me whether all the previous disappointments could finally fade from memory.
And yet I couldn’t bring myself to look. Two days before, I had looked on as my grandmother had been lowered into the ground, gone from this world. I wasn’t ready to handle another ‘no’ – another sorry, try again. And so I dropped that little strip into the trash can before it could give me an answer.
Curiosity is a funny thing – it gets under your skin and into your head and won’t leave until it’s quite thoroughly wrecked any chance you had of simply not knowing.
I peeked into that trash can. And then I looked closer. And then I forgot to breathe. The first little telegram from my new valentine lay there, saying ‘Hi, there’s a me. And I’m going to change your entire world.’
Though I never cared much for Valentine’s Day before, that moment transformed it into a day I will celebrate for the rest of my life. The day that Andrew and I found out that we were no longer a couple – we were a family.
In the days and weeks and months from that day to this, we have witnessed the insane miracle that is new life. We have a baby – a son – a gift in the truest and most perfect sense of the word.
And this little being, this incredible gift – he changes every.single.day. He learns and grows and experiences. Nothing can quite make you value the complexity of life than to watch a baby study with intent focus the simplest things. Hands, feet, faces – they are all remarkable to him … as they should be.
When everyone and their mother tells you ‘a baby changes everything’ … well, they’re right. A baby in fact changes everything – most of all your marriage. Those newborn days are survival mode and it’s tough times in the trenches of sleep deprivation and midnight crying.
But when your marriage has been day after day of saying ‘I choose you. Above a thousand other responsibilities and problems and wants – I always choose you.’
Well, then, my friend, your marriage blossoms and you get to see another beautiful face to the love you already had.
Having a child defies description. The moment you think you have him figured out, he changes things up and you realize you know nothing. Nothing except that you love him and would trade your life for his in an instant.
And to know you’re capable of that kind of love is a good, good thing. It’s a reminder of the kind of love that God has for me, you, us.
Our little lovebug, the perfect reminder of love that is given by grace alone.
To share this much love, this much joy with my husband, my very best friend, is the best Valentine.
Happy Valentine’s Day to my two favorite guys <3